I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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