mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
