So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
