But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
