you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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