My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
