Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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