sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
MIDGETS
????
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
