I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
