God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My vagina is officially offended.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize