Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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