I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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