omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
