Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
