dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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