I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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