have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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