Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
