your room smells of hookers.
And success
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
