i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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