Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
