This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
