yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize