The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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