yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
