If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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