Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
