New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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