Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize