i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
