Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
