i was rollin on her like bob the builder
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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