I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
