you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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