I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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