My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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