there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
