we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
