I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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