should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
