I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
