I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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