it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
