I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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