I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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