Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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