I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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