you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
