he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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