I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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