Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
