Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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