My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
