Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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