If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
