And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
