A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
