At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
