well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
