Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
