Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My ass is underappreciated
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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