he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
