Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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