he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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