the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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