I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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