you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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