I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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