I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
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