He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
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We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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