ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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