I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
