I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
