don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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