i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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