I'm going to jail i love you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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